


beauty in the mundane (you're fucking gay, admit it)

by blasphemyincarnate, JustAKilljoy



Series: deep breaths, everyone; your hearts are pounding [4]
Category: VALORANT (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is best friends, F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, and also works a 5 to 9, breach is a construction worker that is all, brimstone uhhhh only vaguely has rights, but brimstone is there, he's just drunk all the time, jett and sage are the epitome of lesbians, these two are loosely related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27787006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemyincarnate/pseuds/blasphemyincarnate, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAKilljoy/pseuds/JustAKilljoy
Summary: When you put disaster gays together at the Renaissance Fair, they become friends.ft. Sova, sad drunk.Sage, the artist.Jett, whipped for life.Phoenix, disaster bi.Cypher, cafe owner.Omen, legally dead.Reyna, baddest bitch.Viper, graduate chem student (who does not care about you).Brimstone, barbecue master.Breach, construction worker.Raze, life of the party.Killjoy, smart fridge extraordinaire.And Skye, goat mother.
Relationships: Cypher/Omen (VALORANT), Jett/Sage (VALORANT), Phoenix/Sova (VALORANT)
Series: deep breaths, everyone; your hearts are pounding [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807408
Comments: 39
Kudos: 77





	1. meeting the neighbors & sova's plights

**Author's Note:**

> hey y'all! killjoy here :) I hope y'all like this baby right here, ft me projecting onto sova and phoenix in the form of disaster bi and panicked gay. have fun!!

“Hey babe, I saw Sova at the new self defense gym down the street,” Jett calls. “Did you know he seriously fucks shit up with a sword?” 

The only reply she gets from Sage is a raised eyebrow, before she turns back to the painting she’s been working on. Which makes sense, because even though Sova’s the best (and only) archer in town, both of them have seen Sova cry over literally everything. And as a man also obsessed with  _ Say Yes to the Dress _ , it’s not hard to doubt him. 

“No, seriously, honey, he fucking destroys people with it,” Jett says, and collapses onto the couch. “I was his partner. I can’t even feel my hands anymore.”

This gets Sage’s attention. “You okay?” Jett rolls her eyes at the paint smudges on Sage’s chin, and points a finger towards it. 

“You got something there. And yeah, I’m good. You should come with me next time, the gym is fucking awesome.”

Sage tilts her head for a moment thoughtfully. “That would be fun. We should bring the others along with us too. I’m sure Sova would love to see Reyna, Raze and Viper again, we haven’t seen each other in a long time.” And then, with a begrudging glare sent Jett’s way, she wipes the paint off of her chin. 

“Please,” Jett snorts. “If Reyna goes, then Phoenix goes. Sova’s gonna fucking cry again.”

Because when gay disaster (aka Sova) meets bi disaster (aka Phoenix), nothing’s supposed to go right. They’d met at the tattoo parlor where Reyna and Phoenix worked. After getting his piercings from Phoenix, Sova had been too much of a coward to talk to him again, despite the man’s insistence on being friends. 

Phoenix is just like that--friendly till you’re slightly scared of him--and Sova, well. Sova’s a disaster for men, especially men who do your piercings and have a nice British accent. 

In summary, if Reyna goes, Sova won’t make it out alive. 

“Whatever,” Sage says with a shrug, and Jett cackles. “His problem.”

~sage says she does not care about ur shit (line break)~

“Darling,” Sage starts, very conversationally. She takes Jett’s arm and walks her towards the door of their new apartment. “Don’t look now, but someone is staring at us from the door of the apartment next to ours.”

Jett immediately swivels her head. Sage swats at her arm. “I literally just said not to look.”

It’s too late. The person - they have a black face mask pulled over there mouth, and a white hoodie with a huge hood covering pretty much the entire rest of their face - has definitely noticed that they’ve been noticed, and they disappear back into the apartment.

Jett pats her hair almost distractedly. “Ha,” she says, turning back around and leaning into Sage. “We match.”

-

When Jett wakes the next morning after their first night in their apartment ( _ their  _ new apartment - her apartment, with her girlfriend, Sage, dear  _ Lord _ ), Sage is not in bed.

She stumbles out of their bedroom (!!!) and into the kitchen, where Sage is standing at the island, staring at a tray of brownies.

“Morning,” Jett yawns, pushing herself up onto the counter. “Why’re you staring at those brownies like they’ve personally fucked you over?”

Sage pushes a plate with a piece of brownie on it over. “This is the one time I’m letting you be unhealthy for breakfast,” she says distractedly. “How many neighbors do we have?”

Jett takes a bite out of her brownie and eyes the tray. “Too many.”

Sage sighs and finally looks away from the brownies. “I thought so,” she mutters. Then she smiles brightly up at Jett and leans in to kiss her cheek. “I’ll split it into three parts and just bring them to our closest neighbors, then. I can do the rest of the hall another day.”

“At this rate,” Jett says, very seriously, leaning in to fill Sage’s eyesight. “You are going to bake brownies for this entire fucking apartment complex.”

Sage pauses. “Could be a good way to make friends, actually-”

-

White Hood Person opens the door almost hesitantly, peeking out through a small crack. When they see it’s just Jett and Sage, they open the door a bit wider. “Hi,” they- he- says, hesitantly. “Welcome to the neighborhood.”

“Glad to be here!” Sage says cheerily. 

Jett waves her fingers. “‘Sup.”

“We brought brownies,” Sage continues, holding out the covered dish in his direction. 

The man sounds mildly amused when he reaches out with one gloved hand to accept it. “Isn’t this supposed to be our job?” He asks. “Thanks, though.”

Sage shrugs. “I like baking.”

Jett props an arm up on her girlfriend’s shoulder and stage whispers to the man. “A lot.”

The man nods, and Jett gets the feeling he’s smiling behind the face mask. “Thanks,” he says again. “I’m Cypher.”

Jett raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything. She has a friend who goes almost exclusively by Viper, after all. Maybe people in this area just have weird names. “I’m Jett,” she offers.

Sage wraps an arm around her waist. “I’m Sage, it’s very nice to meet you.” She half-heartedly attempts to peer past him into the apartment. “You said ‘our’ earlier - have you got a roommate?”

Cypher shrugs a shoulder. “I live with my boyfriend,” he says, then turns into the apartment. “Omen! Come meet the neighbors.”

The people in this area have very weird names, Jett decides. She half-expects the other neighbors to be named Cat and Dog.

“More gays met in the wild,” Sage half-mutters. Cypher laughs out loud at that. 

“Ha, yeah,” he says. Then he pulls the door open some more, to reveal someone else dressed very similar. Face mask, indigo hoodie. Maybe the people in this area are just weird.

“Nice to meet you,” Omen says. His hands are shoved into his pockets, and his hood does obscure most of his face, but Jett can make out light blue eyes through the darkness. “Thanks for the-” he peeks into the dish, “-brownies.” Omen’s taller than Cypher, and practically curls around him when he looks in the dish. Jett very suddenly wants to drape herself over Sage like a blanket.

“You’re very welcome!” Sage says. “We have to get going now, but you’re welcome to stop by any time.”

“Hopefully not at like, ass fuck o’clock, but I’ll get it if you need us,” Jett adds, in a way she thinks is very helpful. Sage rolls her eyes, but Cypher is doing that thing which probably means he’s smiling behind the mask, so it’s totally worth it.

“Thanks again,” Cypher says, making to close the door. “It’s nice to meet you guys.”

Jett nods one last time, and then the door swings shut. “They seem nice,” Sage says as the pair walk back to their apartment to get the other tray.

“Yeah,” Jett says, glancing over her shoulder. “We should be friends.”

The other neighbors are not named Cat and Dog. Rather, Sarah and James. Not nearly as weird of names, but to be fair, Sarah and James are also much less interesting. Perfectly pleasant, but in the vague sort of way.

Jett already has a favorite neighbor picked out, clearly.

~jett is whipped (line break)~

Coming home from work is always an experience, because Sova has the worst roommate, not because he’s a crackhead, or because he’s loud as fuck, but because he works a 9 to 5.

That, and he steals Sova’s vodka juice boxes.

The juice boxes are worth a lot. So back off. (His roommate never does. Fuck him.)

The amount of times he’s come home from work to see Brimstone flat out drunk on the floor--the man can’t hold his liquor, but boy does he try--beats the amount of times he’s cried over hot guys. And that, Jett would tell you, is “an assfucking lot of times”. 

Sova can’t relate to the drunk thing, since he’s hardly ever had enough to be considered drunk--vodka’s like water to him, haven’t you heard? So whenever he comes home to Brimstone wasted, he first laughs hysterically for a little period of time, and then has to deal with the consequences. 

Namely, Brimstone. Brimstone is the consequence. 

Working a 9 to 5 must be terrible, Sova knows, but it wasn’t his fault that Brimstone chose to go into finance and Sova decided to break his parents’ heart and become an archer. 

But now that Sova’s living comfortably teaching kids to shoot a bow and Brimstone has to give his soul to a company, it’s terribly amusing to see the man hunched over his laptop all the time while Sova lays face-down on the couch and stares into the void. Add some EDM and alcohol, and it’s pretty much an average day for him. 

To be fair, Brimstone isn’t all bad. Brimstone’s a pretty good friend when Sova’s doing his thing, it’s just--in terms of flavor, Brimstone has no flavor. 

But the guy does make a mean barbecue, and although they have no talking points, there’s something comforting coming home to an apartment with the lights on--even if the guy waiting for Sova is passed out wasted on the floor, vodka juice box unfinished. 

~brimstone needs to pull his life together (line break)~

“Dearest, the Renaissance Fair is coming soon,” Sage mentions innocuously, eyes never straying from her canvas, and it takes all the self control Jett’s ever cultivated to keep from clenching her jaw so hard her teeth break. 

The Renaissance Fair is the biggest event in town--the biggest shitshow, and it’s also where they’ve found all their friends, which speaks (unpleasant) volumes about what type of friends they have. Although, even if all their friends are either gay, a bastard, or mysterious ass sketchy people, they wouldn’t trade it for the world.

“That’s...lovely, babe,” Jett responds stiffly, and then sits down on the couch. 

Sage’s laughter will forever be the sweetest sound to Jett, and it echoes throughout their small apartment. It would be sweeter if Sage wasn’t laughing at the expense of Jett--the Renaissance Fair is not Jett’s thing, but she goes every year anyways because Sage sells her paintings at the fair and Jett is a Good Girlfriend, Very Supportive.

“We should bring everyone to our house to plan things out,” Sage supplies helpfully. “And we could have a movie night while we’re at it too! We haven’t had one of those in a long time. Isn’t that right, love?”

“Absolutely correct, honey,” Jett manages, and then covers her face with her hands. Let it be known that Jett is a blunt, very bossy, you-better-fix-your-attitude-or-I’ll-fix-it-for-you-person, but she has one single weakness, and that is Sage, her girlfriend, light of her life, eternal love. 

Sage laughs softly from the corner of the room, sets down her paintbrush, and rises soundlessly from her stool to grab her phone. “I’ll text everyone,” she offers. “Our place, Friday?”

Jett stares at the shimmery jade earrings that go from Sage’s ears all the way down to her shoulders, and thinks about the disasters that are their friends. She’s stalling for time. 

“Love?” Sage prompts, and Jett groans. 

“Yes, babe.”


	2. sova's plights pt 2 and soft women

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disaster bi meets disaster gay. Distinguished Lesbians watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello :) we have no upload schedule :) now suffer :)

Sova likes to think he’s good at conversation. He, well, conversates. But when there’s a half-naked, half-drunk girl crawling all over him at the bar, he’s not sure what to do. He’s gay. He’s never done this before.

“Hi, um,” he starts, and backs up as best he can, hands tentatively in the air. “I, uh--”

The girl pays him no mind, giggling slightly before her hands slide up his chest and reach for his hair.

“Ma’am?” Sova says panickedly. “I’m gay, I’m gay ma’am, I--”

“He doesn’t want you,” someone says, and the girl’s sent flying back. Sova vaguely feels bad for her, but the overwhelming relief is, well, overwhelming.

“Thank you, Reyna,” Sova says to the woman who turns back to him. “Your shift at the parlor is over?” She’s changed out of her usual work attire, a black tank top and shorts, into a shimmery blue-and-purple dress. The golden linings catch in the ambiguous lighting of the bar.

Reyna laughs, sliding onto the barstool next to Sova’s. “You’re useless, Sova. Grow some balls. But yes, it’s over.” Her eyes flit around the room for a moment, before returning to Sova. “You know, I was going to bring Phoenix. He’s been talking about you for weeks.”

Sova’s face instantly turns red. “I hate you, Reyna. You say that every time you come here.”

She rolls her eyes. “Go make me a drink. You know what I want.” 

Sova begrudgingly slips off the barstool to get behind the counter, pulling out the necessary ingredients to make a Moscow Mule. Lime juice, ginger beer, and vodka go into the copper cup one by one, followed by a small amount of crushed ice and a large sprig of mint--at this rate, Sova’s sure it constitutes as an entire mint plant. 

Reyna’s eyes narrow playfully as Sova slides the drink towards her, poking at the comically large green leaves with mock distaste. “This is not what I wanted.”

“I know,” Sova returns with a smirk. 

They’ve gone over this exact script a thousand times. The first time Reyna had popped into the crummy, run-down bar Sova worked a night shift at, she’d asked for a Gin Fizz. When her Gin Fizz came in a copper cup and was not, in fact a Gin Fizz, but rather a Moscow Mule, she wasn’t too pleased.

Sova, when prompted, simply told her that he wasn’t in the mood for a Gin Fizz. 

Reyna had suggested he visit the tattoo parlor she worked at in exchange for the missing drink. According to her, Sova’s ears had an excellent shape for cartilage piercings. 

It was, in all honesty, the worst thing Sova could have ever agreed to, because in a matter of an hour he had fallen in love with the man piercing his ears and Reyna, being a sneaky bitch, had caught on. And so now he was stuck with the ever horrifying feeling of gay pining that infiltrated the very essence of his gay being, and an asshole bar customer who wouldn’t stop teasing him about it.

“One day I will get the Gin Fizz I deserve,” Reyna says, rolling her eyes. “But until then, I am sure this drink will do.”

“Believe what you want to,” Sova singsongs, and quickly mops up the mess he made on the counter before digging his phone out of his vest pocket and sliding back onto the barstool next to Reyna’s.

Reyna points with the large spring of mint. “You have a notification.” Then she dips the mint back into her drink, stirring around the ice cubes with fervor.

“Shut the fuck up,” Sova grumbles, but checks it out anyway. 

Big mistake. Biggest mistake, in fact, that Sova can remember making in the past month.

Reyna cackles before Sova can truly process the text. Once he does, all he can whisper is a horrified, “oh no”. 

**Sage** **  
****gay bitches** **  
**_Renaissance coming soon! Meet at our house tomorrow for a movie night._

“Have fun with Phoenix, you asshole,” Reyna says amusedly, and it takes all of Sova’s willpower to remain calm. It does not work. He panics.

~Sova is gay and screwed (line break)~

“Hello, love,” Jett yells into the empty of their living room. “I’m home!” She kicks off her shoes and flops onto the couch, yanking at the hair tie in her hair. “Work fucking sucked today!”

There’s a moment of silence, and then Sage emerges from the room they’d designated as her art studio. Jett takes a moment to marvel at her messy bun and her hands and face covered in paint.

“Woah,” she says. “You’re pretty.”

Sage chuckles quietly, barely loud enough for Jett to hear. “That’s all you, darling. But I have some cupcakes and brownies set out on the counter to cool, if you want some. You can only take one of each, though, the rest are for the guests.”

“Ugh, guests,” Jett mutters, but gets up anyway. It’s too early in the day to see Phoenix’s dumbass--it’s never the time to see Phoenix’s dumbass, but especially not today. Customer service is brutal. Jett’s not entirely sure why she chose that as her career. 

“One brownie only,” Sage says quickly, and slaps Jett’s hand. She drops the second. “You should know better, darling.”

Jett sighs. “Yes, dear. How’re your paintings going? How many are you selling at the fair this year?”

Sage sighs, and looks in the general direction of her art studio crossly. “I’m selling fourteen this year, but I can’t help but feel like I messed up on the one I’m working on right now.” She looks tired, frowning and defeated. Jett pulls her into a hug.

“Your art is always gorgeous, dear. Take a break, and give it a fresh start, yeah?”

Sage relaxes, pulling her arms around Jett’s neck. “Sure,” she murmurs. “Help me set up the living room?”

“You got it, ma’am,” Jett says, and pulls back with a salute.

They pull out the blankets and pillows from their closet, and spread them along the floor of the living room right near the foot of the couch. And then they set up a bean bag and a blanket just a little farther, since Viper refuses to sit with the rest of the group which, fair--it’s rowdy and full of nerds with too many feelings, and Jett understands why Viper isn’t too keen to sit there.

“You know,” Sage muses. “Maybe we should invite Cypher and Omen.”

“Gay neighbors? Hell yeah,” Jett says, and pushes back the sofa with a grunt. “I think they’d fit right in here. Maybe we could invite them to the fair too.”

“I’ll go do that in a few,” Sage decides. “But for now, let’s get the rest of this done.”

~hhh soft homey feels (line break)~

Sova meets Phoenix alone for the first time exactly seventeen minutes before they’re both meant to walk into the house of the most in-love women he knows, which feels a little like some sort of cosmic joke. “Hello,” he says, a little stupidly, as Phoenix walks up the path.

Phoenix blinks at him, then does a weird smirk-smile-glower thing which has no right being as hot as it is. “Hey,” he greets, lifting a hand out of his pocket. “Nice day.”

“Yes,” Sova agrees, coughing into his hand. “Lovely day. Lovely to meet you.”

“We’ve met,” Phoenix points out, but it comes out slightly strangled and he stares at Sova with eyes just a little too wide. “But yes, I agree. Lovely to meet you. How’s your day been?”

“It’s been fine,” Sova says. _Stop being so awkward,_ he thinks to himself, mentally picturing a trash can he can hide in. A la that one thing from Sesame Street. “I hope yours has been good too?”

Phoenix grins, seeming to settle. “You won’t believe this,” he tells Sova, “but we had someone come into the shop today who didn’t know tattoos were done with needles. He screamed. Reyna had to go into the back to stare at the wall for a few minutes.”

Sova gives a put-upon sigh. “Of all days that she didn’t come to the bar,” he says, mournfully. That sounds like it would’ve been a story worth listening to her bitch about.

“Ah yeah, the bar,” Phoenix says. He waggles his eyebrows at Sova. “How come you haven’t invited me to visit yet?”

Sova blinks at him, carefully ignoring the rapid beating of his heart. “Reyna keeps saying she plans to bring you along,” he offers. “But if you’d prefer an invite from me. Come around, tomorrow. Just tag along with Reyna.”

Phoenix’s face bluescreens, which is very funny. But maybe Sova can’t say much about it because he’s also bluescreening. “That’d be nice,” Phoenix says, strangled. Then, smooth and low, he adds, “What if I want to see you _alone_ though?”

Sova blinks. “Come… earlier?” he suggests, hesitant.

Phoenix stares at him for a moment, then begins laughing, hard enough that Sova laughs too, and they just stand there, smiling at each other, until Jett arrives to let them in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jett and sage listening from behind the door: "GAY"
> 
> but also thanks for sticking with us this far :) we have LOVELY FANART HHHHH GO TAKE A LOOK I LOVE MAYO
> 
> https://twitter.com/mayopocket/status/1343267220365799424?s=21
> 
> come scream at us at @justakilljoyy on tweeter !!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading so far !! we have no upload schedule bc we are very smart so if yall want to scream at us to post or n e thing like that we have killjoy at @justakilljoyy on twitter!!


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